This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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