Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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