I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
