So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
