best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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