it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
