After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
