What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
