I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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