Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
