please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
