@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
