i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
