I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
