i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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