i think my mom watched the whole time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
