he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
