I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
