Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
