Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
