His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
