That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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