summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
