Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
