Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize