So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
