This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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