How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
