We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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