Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
