I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
