He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
