she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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