I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
