Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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