Redeem this text for a blowjob
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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