dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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