I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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