I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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