every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
