I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
