it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
