Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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