Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
