You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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