??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
