Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
