Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
