Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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