where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
