I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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