Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
