i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
