Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
