If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
