I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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