her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
