They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
