i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
