Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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