all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
