I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
