well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
